Hey, This is kind of embarrassing. Lol. It’s been a while!
It’s been weird for me for a long while. I’ve been stuck, I’ve been feeling so many different things and I’ve been so stressed and lost and confused and I still am now. I’m still unsure of so many things and I want to just know everything. Just to know what the right path for me is, to know if I’m doing everything right. I am so upset that I can’t know. I can’t know if I’m on the right track or doing the right things. It’s annoying as hell that I’ll never know..
At this moment, I want to live my life for myself and see where my creativity will take me. I want to believe in myself and my work. I want to better myself in everything. I want to start writing and creating artsy YouTube videos and creating things that I enjoy watching and reading. Apart of me has been craving to get all of this art out of me but I feel like I’ve been stifled by the school. For me, the school has never helped me advance in my own expression. It’s tried to mold me into someone I don’t want to be. I’ve felt so much pressure to be this person that I’m not and I’m tired of it.
I’m just scared that I’ll fail. I’m scared that I won’t be great and that no matter how hard I work, what if I don’t make it.
A while back ago, I wrote this:
How shitty would it be to live your life wonder what if? Yea, you say you have time but the scary thing is, how do you know for sure. So how do you jump into it? How do you get it started? How can you make someone else realize that as well? Or will you just continue to live in wonder and fear of the what if?
How shitty it would be to grow old and wonder what if you took that leap of faith at 20, would your life be different now? I wish so badly that my future self could time travel and tell me what to do.
It’s been hard, having this heavily on my mind for about 2 years now. I just want to be happy. I’m going to take that leap. Wish me luck!
P.S: Apart from that leap is working on this blog so… Let’s do this!