The Window

I just want to say, this is new to me. I am doing new things with my creative energy and I am more than willing to grow with what I’m doing. I am teaching myself that everything takes time. So please, bear with me! I wrote this story for a creative writing program I’m in. Here goes! Feel free to leave advice or comments on the story!

 Mom says I am not allowed to go outside anymore. I hate just sitting in here. There is always an adventure out there! There is so much to explore! There are trees to climb and swings to swing and bikes to ride. There are even rivers to find lost jewelry in! And I am just stuck in here, watching everything from my seat by the window. I feel like I have been indoors forever! I miss the wind on my face while racing down the hill. I can’t do anything now.

Mom says I could just watch a movie or read something but that’s not as exciting as living, as experiencing everything. There is nothing to do. I’m incredibly bored so I am journaling. Maybe this will help me get through all this.   

Everything was normal. I played with my friends outside and we would go all around the town. We would make friends with the shop owners who always gave us food when we were hungry or shelter from rain or get us home quickly when there was an emergency. I remember eating Mr. Xu’s special rice. It was so yummy! I can never have that again now.

Mom says that everything will be okay and that I need to just relax and stay in. She said that I need to stop complaining about everything because other people in the area do not have it as well as we do. Mom takes care of me, she helps me around the house and she really tries to remake Mr. Xu’s rice. It just does not taste the same when she makes it. Mr. Xu said that he made all of his food with care, maybe that is what is missing when mom makes the rice. She just makes it because she cares about me but she does not care about the rice, how the rice tastes or how it feels when you pick it up to eat. I appreciate that she does it, but I just wish everything was the same. I wish it was how everything was before. Back when I got to have fun with my friends and with my neighbors.

Mom says, just because everything around us is different does not mean the things inside changes. I don’t think that is true because now I cannot go outside and run, jump, or explore. I feel sad. I feel like my favorite parts of me are gone now. I feel empty. Everything around me is different and so is everything inside me.

Everything was great and normal just a week ago, but the new leader of our world loves to destroy. Our new leader believes that people like me do not deserve to live. That is because of the color of my skin and because my family is not wealthy. The new leader believes there is no point to our existence.

The people in the next county worships our leader and hate us. They feel just as he does. They came here every occasionally to threaten us and sometimes to attack us and burn down our homes and stores. Just last week, they came in with these weapons. I’ve never seen anything like it. They started setting fire to buildings and people. There was so much chaos. My friends and I hid inside Mr. Xu’s restaurant. When they came to the building, Mr. Xu tried to protect us but he was shot and killed before he was able to land a blow. The men blew up the building we were in. Only three of us survived. Peter lost his arm, Dante has severe burns on half of his body and I’ve been paralyzed from the waist down. I can never run again. Everything is different now, now there is nowhere we can go that is safe, now I can’t remember what it’s like to be happy. Now, I look out this window, trying to find the joy I once had.

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Change

Hey!

I want to have a media platform that shows my complete honesty. I want to be open with my audience and always tell you what’s up.

So, let’s begin.

School has been a constant stress for me, at least all the dull public schools and now dull community college that I’ve been to. I see potential in school, I think it can be fun but so far, all my experiences have been dull and dry. School has been something that sucked the fun out of me. I hoped that going to college would change that for me but my college sucked me so dry that I lost my energy, my drive, I got lazy and I didn’t find the joy in the thing I loved. I loved writing, making videos, singing and dancing, playing video games, binge-watching shows and reading. Though I was able to do some of those things, It was done half-assed because I just was not feeling it.

I’ve taken time from school and I’m currently on my break, I went to my doctor a week after I took my time off and she told me that I was depressed. That shocked me to my core, I knew these things happen to people and I knew it happened to me before but that really hit me into reality. I realized I was back in that place I was a few years back.

My doctor prescribed me some medication and I figured this depression would go away quickly but, I am still working my way out of this. I’m still trying to figure everything out, to get my footing and get this grey blob out of my body. To bring back the sunshine I used to feel.

I’ve decided to give myself projects and I’d like to share them with you (They aren’t in any particular order):

Project Blog:
As much as I’d love to get back into the bookish world and start doing reviews and making videos and all the fun stuff, I don’t have it in me yet. I may not have that yet but I do have stories. I started this writing program called Gotham Writers. They aren’t free, just a heads up. I’m taking a creative writing course and we should be having some writing done every week that I’d like to post here after I get the corrections from my teacher. I’d also like to post short stories that I’ve been working on but haven’t shared with anyone. I think it would be beneficial for me to keep writing. My mind has always been filled with stories and here is my outlet.
I’d also like to start working on my photography. I’ve always loved photography. I want to produce more of what I enjoy.

Project YouTube:
I really want my channel to grow but I feel like it would grow more if I grow more with my creativity for the channel. There are many YouTubers that I truly enjoy watching for their artsy videos. I’d like to channel that into my channel.I’d like to grow so I’m taking time from my youtube channel to see how I can grow.

Project Fitness:
Eating more fruits and veggies, drinking water, doing yoga, going to the gym. I hear that helps with depression and getting a hot ass body. I came from the gym today now I’m in a cafe. Getting a change in my environment is helping me to get stuff done and also getting me broke.

Those three are what I’m trying to focus on. I also want to start brightening my work with brighter clothes. I didn’t want to leave my house today because my outfit was completely grey. I felt so uncomfortable in it. I want to brighten my world again and it’ll happen one step at a time. I’m trying to be positive and stop stressing about certain things or thinking that I’m so weird that this is happening to me. I’m trying. I really am. I just need to stop pressuring myself. Things take time.