Week One.

Howdy! So, I am trying to start working on managing my depression better. I’m trying to help myself out by blogging and staying up to date about what’s happening to me. I did a whole explanation on how depression has affected me. See here.  And now I’m trying to stay on track.

I wanted to do weekly posts about what I ate in a week, which I will post tomorrow, but I can’t handle the responsibility of taking pictures of every meal I eat so, I will just loosely post what I had last week. I will say that I am on a full pescatarian diet now that I am back in Brooklyn and I hope this lasts long but it’s hard to find seafood in my house. I recently watched a big dying and being cooked on the Food network so, I won’t be eating meat.

Yesterday was my Super Doctor Day. I went to my Gynecologist where she said that I had s super yeast infection. Ha! Gross, right. It’s normal and a quick fix so shut the fuck up. I’ve waited so long to finally have one. I feel like I am a woman now. I am proud. Weirdly proud but my yeast meds say that I can’t drink booze so, I can’t properly celebrate this great news! My other doctor gave me a shit ton of info on Psychologist so I will soon be reaching out to someone who can help me really organize and focus and give me tips. I am really looking forward to it.

Today was a tricky day for me. I slowly got sadder and sadder, maybe because I was alone and probably also because I wanted to have a desk so that I could sit down and write, my father broke the legs of my desk while moving my shit back home and is refusing to fix and/or get me new legs. For me, it’s hard to write or edit videos if I don’t have a desk. I’m currently using my dresser drawer for support.

Anyways, I called my best friend and she is now keeping me company while I write.  Today has also been hard because I am realizing how horrible I am at crushing on people. I would fall so deeply in love with the illusion or my dream of who I wish my crush could be and when they start acting differently, I have a whole dramatic heartbreaking moment where I lay in bed constantly reminding myself that “It’s okay”. I care way too deeply about people. I also never tell my crushes that I like them and am never forward with any of my actions because… I’m afraid that they don’t like me back… when will I find love? I need to understand this whole dating thing.

“You never know what’s gonna happen but you can ask for guidance”- Best friend Joe-Ann while I tell her about my crazy “signs” theory. I love her. Thank you.

Also, my friend Shelbie just graduated today and she is so amazing and talented and soon, she’ll have a podcast, which I will share. She is amazing and is going to college soon. Love you too, girl!

“Between the ages 18-24, you feel like the world revolves around you. You’re free and have no real responsibilities. It’s free. When you’re that age, you feel like you’re the sun and when you age, you realize you’re apart of the planets, you realize it’s not just you, there is so much more but in the age range, you’re discovering yourself. You’re exploring and being adventurous. This is a great time and we should live as free as we can”- Advice from my doctor, nurse practitioner

Also, read Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson. This book is what made me want to document what was going on with me so that I can make a change and become happier. It’s so good and I reccomend it to anyone who is having a hard time with their mental health issues. Or just want a nice pick me up!

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