Wild Week. Mildly Wild. Like kinda chill.​

So, I wanna chat about my week. Saturday, I went on a scavenger hunt with my JAIANTS. It’s a youth led organization all about empowering one another. It’s amazing! We go on trips to build our team building and to help us grow as individuals and this Saturday, we went on a scavenger hunt and it was SO MUCH FUN! We started the day in an escape room and I always wanted to do that! It was so cool! We spent the rest of the day walking around NYC and enjoying each other’s company and finding strangers to talk to. it was a blast!

Sunday, I decided to chill for the day and then at night, I went to celebrate my cousin’s birthday. It was nice and relaxing and boy, did I miss my cousins!

Monday, I started going to a new therapist! Whoo! I want to do a post about finding the therapist in NYC. I had a hard time, I’m seeing people that I know but I do have ways to find therapists, psychologist, and all that jazz.

Therapy was really nice and I totally enjoyed speaking with her.

After therapy, I went to get my very first allergy shots. It went fine and there were no allergic reactions after the shots but I was kinda tired.

Tuesday was filled with being sleepy, bad thoughts and thinking that I was sick. I ended my day feeling like I may have an asthma attack. My mom called and ask the ER if I should come in and I used my asthma pump like crazy. Just hoping things would get better.

I keep thinking about all that I need to schedule and organize everything. Especially getting back to school! I have so many things to pack and plan and I still have a few weeks before I need to get there. Geez. I also need to start working on my film series on YouTube. I need to edit videos and pre-upload for week one and two. I’ve been so tired. I can’t think straight or focus. I just want to lay in bed and watch Charmed.

Okay, the top part was written on Tuesday!
Update: 

My asthma and allergies are still acting up and I’ve been documenting it for my doctor. I’ve gotten more organized and started planning and editing some videos. I have so many videos to create and shit out. I feel like I’m putting myself through a lot of stress though I still want to get all of this done.

This week has been me setting boundaries and trying to get out of tough spots on my own. One huge help has been my sweet love, Joe-Ann. I wonder if she actually reads this. Either way, I love her.

I realized the other day that it is great for me to start writing everything out. Like, I’m so interested in so many things and I just save it in my phone or in bookmarks but I always forget about these things. I’m gonna try and start writing in my brand new journal and hope it helps me out!

It’s been hard doing my weekly exercises because I can’t really breathe right. That pressure this app is giving me… even though it doesn’t send any notifications…

I am super tired so, yo homegirl is out, yo (That was weird but we’ll just leave it alone. PeAcE OuT!)

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Forever alone?

Hey! So, I really wanted to write about this so bear with me while I get around everything, okay?

You ever have those moments where you’re stressed because you’ve gotten really sick and you don’t know how to take care of yourself or that you’re screwed and can’t afford to pay off your credit card and it’s stressing you out or that you just want to talk about this cute guy that you’re crushing about? Who do you go to when you have to talk about this?

Now, my question to you is, can you always go to that person? Can you rely on their answer or their actions and know that it’ll make you feel better?

My issue is that sometimes I go through these difficult moments in life and I’d think hard about who I can call or text and they’d just come to the rescue. I’d be feeling alone and want a cuddle or very sick and want someone to bring me some soup. Sometimes, I just want someone. Someone to be there whenever I need them.

I remember having this feeling when I was little, wanting a someone who I can rely on but only being about to rely on myself.

I enjoy my independence. I love that I can take care of myself and do things for myself and most days, I enjoy my alone time. But I do think about having someone to take care of me and my needs. On days that I need it, whether I know it or not. Shit, even now I want a cuddle.

I’ve realized that I tried to find that comfort in other people. I try and force the care out of people, stress how sick I am. That I am alone, I try and squeeze the responses that I want out of people even though I know in my heart that it’s impossible.

My best thought is the idea of someone who can know what I need before I need it. I feel like I can and would do the very same to everyone if I didn’t mind draining myself of all energy. The thought of sharing my energy with someone who is sharing the same back is so amazing.

I want TV shows where these best friends know each other inside and out. They know that their friend is being weird and try and do what they can to help out. If theres a breakup, they have a movie night or go out. They gush about boys and complain about their families and are able to talk to each other about everything in the middle. I want that so badly. Some friends are good for certain things which aren’t bad. I just want an everything person who can take care of me as I take care of so many others. I don’t want it to feel forced, I want things to just be effortless.

I know that that person will come to me in due time. I’ve just been waiting for such a long time and I am so ready. I’m tired of feeling like I’m forcing people to check up on me.

Today, I am going to get my very first allergy shot. I want to document how I feel afterward because I might feel super sick afterward so, I’m gonna make myself some soup for when I reach home.

Chill Days

Hey! So, I can only speak for myself when I say that people exhaust me. I love hanging out with my friends and family. I love laughing, debating, hugs and cuddles. All that great stuff but when I hang out with a bunch of people for like a week straight. Actually, even a few days of just full days with so many people, I stress out. So, I take chill days. Those days just for myself to chill!

I think taking a day or two to yourself is important. It’s a day to clear your head and just recharge. I am very introverted and these days are great. On these days, I’d lay in bed all day watching tv and drinking tea or I’d write and read or clean. There’s something about just taking the time to myself to be totally alone. It’s cleansing and relaxing. Especially lighting a yummy smelling candle.

This is my favorite. I’m actually doing it now. Watching Rick&Morty, writing and painting my nails. All by myself.

Take a day to yourself. Cook a new meal, start up a new skill, binge a new show. Write? Just be by yourself, in your own space and enjoy!

Products I want to buy because they’re bomb – The Body Shop

Hey, buddies

Let’s do another post about the shit I want to buy but actually can’t really afford.

Honestly, it’s more like shit I use, have used and want to use.

Today, I’m talking about The Body Shop products. I really love their products, I especially love that they’re cruelty-free and smell so damn good. my whole family uses this brand in some way and while I’m on my skincare journey, I’ve used some products and put them in my routine.

SKIN

I went to The Body Shop a month ago and they did this skin test on me, Ya know, your skin can be dry, oily, normal or a combination. They told me that my forehead is normal and my cheeks are a bit dry so the woman in the store recommended that I use products from their Vitamin E collection.

Right now I use their moisture cream. I use tea tree oil, a toner and then this beautiful babe. My skin has gotten SOOOO much better. I had discoloration and I always pop my pimples and my skin takes FOREVER to heal but these products are totally helping. I just wish I had products for the rest of my body.
Vitamin E Moisture CreamI’ve also been using their hydrating face mist. I’m still testing it out so we’ll see how that goes.
Vitamin E Hydrating Face Mist

I’d love to get this tea tree exfoliating scrub. Tea tree oil is so good for literally everything skin and hair.
Tea Tree Squeaky-Clean Exfoliating Face ScrubThe lotion that I’ve been using is their cocoa body butter, along with my natural Shea butter.
Cocoa Butter Body Butter
HAIR

I love finding new hair products and if The Body Shop has such great skin care, I wonder how their hair care is. I haven’t tried any of their hair care products but these are what I’m interested.

They have banana shampoo and conditioner which is so good for hair that can be brittle. I used banana in my hair when I bleach my hair for the first time like three years ago and it was so nourishing.

Banana ShampooScreen Shot 2017-07-18 at 6.44.05 PM.png

Aaaaand that’s all, y’all. I hope you guys enjoyed this post. I’ll post more soon!

End of the week

My last blog post was all about confidence. It wasn’t quite as artistic and thought to provoke as I wanted but I was forcing words out of myself so that was expected.

Today, I want to go over my week. my best friend since kindergarten made her way back to me this week and we had so much fun. It was so good seeing her after what feels like 7 years even though she has visited in between the time she moved across  America. I enjoyed my time hanging with her and I wish I can see her sooner rather than later. She is my other half, my partner in crime and I just love her. We saw Spider-Man: Homecoming together and it was SO GOOD. If you didn’t know, I’m a huge superhero nerd. I love the movies, TV shows, and comics. It’s my favorite.

Together, she and I found a desk for my room and now I feel like my room is so close to being complete. I have beautiful plants and all I want is more candles.

I came to the conclusion that one of the reasons why I’m lacking in confidence is because I hate the summer. I have no idea how to dress for this season. I like some days to be revealed while others aren’t and I can’t play around how I like in the summer. I like layers and jackets. I want Autumn! The cool brisk air. GIVE IT TO ME!

I went to the doctor and found out about my food allergies, I am only slightly allergic to nuts, lobster, shrimp and crabs (crustaceans) and watermelon (haha, stereotypes) Nothing serious so I am safe. I will, however, be doing allergy shots because I am far too allergic to my environment. I want to be able to run around a park. I want to jog in the morning and I can’t do that right now. I almost had an asthma attack running for the bus. I want to be able to be more active without any fear.

The past few days, I’ve been in and out of nausea. My period is super bad atm and hormones are raging, It happens when I eat or smell weird shit. I’m on a bus heading to Maryland for a wine fest and I am just hoping that sickness doesn’t happen again.

This week wasn’t too bad. I just wish I got more sleep. I think I’ll try and sleep on this bus ride. Oh! I got these super cute jeans that make my butt look amazing and I’m downloading a shit ton of apps to help with my health and fitness. I’ll do a post about it when I know I’ve found the best apps.

I came to the conclusion today that I want to go back to London sometime soon so maybe I’ll do a post on that too. I’m gonna try and nap so, I’ll post something soon. TTYL! ❤

Getting confidence.

It’s hard when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. My face looks so foreign to me and I look at my body and I don’t like how I like. I promise it wasn’t always like that.

Is it normal to wake up and just want a change? Like I just want people to see me how I normally see myself. A sexy badass who is hella chill. lol. I don’t feel like what I’m giving to the world is who I am and that is what makes me feel bad.

Comments that I received earlier this year made me feel uncomfortable with my body. I tried to not let it affect me but it did. Now, I am so self-conscious about my body. Mt stomach hasn’t been flat since I was like 15/16 and my face is round (though I have always been a chubby-cheeked kid, I don’t know why that is bothering me.)

I think my best option is not to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I think what I need to do is make myself feel better about myself. I’ve been getting up some days and started exercising. I’m looking into buying some lingerie to make myself feel confident (although only I will see it). I want to wear clothes that represent me.

I am a baggy t-shirt and high wasted jeans kinda girl but I do enjoy wearing blouses and dressy pants. I want to be able to express myself and I feel like that would give me the confidence boost that I need. I’m tired of thinking I’m not good enough because I’m not as small as my friends or my favorite youtuber. I want to take the steps I need to feel good about myself.

I have too many people around me who complain about their bodies daily and complain about my body too. I wish people could just look in the mirror and enjoy themselves. I wish people could stop comparing themselves to their earlier years or just comparing in general. If you’re healthy, that is all that’s important. I think that this change in how I view myself happened because of the people I hang out with. People who feel like cheap diets will change how you view yourself. I can honestly say that even if I did lose my stomach, I could start focusing on something else that I want to change. I want to learn to love myself and learn that if someone won’t love me for how my body is, then they don’t deserve me.

I am hoping to buy myself some things that will make me feel like the person I am. I want to keep doing some exercises because that will keep me healthy. I just want to feel great about my body.

 

The Ups and Downs

Hey.

So, last week, I thought I was getting so much better. I thought that I was getting better with my depression and I was accomplishing all that I needed. I started was eating less and I felt so organized. My meals were together and I was getting up early and doing things.  But then I spent like 4? maybe days in my room refusing to get out. I feel like my brain isn’t making sense. Like I’m not here and I get full so easily. I feel like something is wrong with me. I also feel so tired. (this paragraph was edited in and out of the funk. sorry to confuse you all.) I’d like to say that I’m out of it now because I am finally outside. I ate a whole bowl of chipotle and now I’m sitting in Starbucks drinking my fave, Vanilla soy chai latte. My appetite has totally changed but it’s whatever. I had a dope week though and I have so much dope shit to look forward to.

I had one amazing day with my best friend Joe-Ann. We were super productive and then walked around downtown Brooklyn laughing and enjoying each other’s company. The next day, I had a whole day walking around and laughing with my sister, nephew and my aunt. OH! yea, we bumped into my other nephew. I had so much fun laughing with my family.

Within last week, I found one of those little plastic drawers that I really wanted to get so I can put my makeup and hair stuff in. Then I found a bookshelf. A perfect bookshelf that I needed so badly. Now I can buy more books. HA!

My best friend since I was like 4 is coming back to Brooklyn and I can’t wait to hang out with her. I cried when she said that she was coming. I can’t wait to spend my time with her! By the time you read this, she will be home!

And…  I’ve always wanted to go to an allergist because my family has this crazy nasal congestion that I think we get because we are eating something or around something that we are all allergic to but don’t know it. I want to fucking experience the life allergy free! (this was past Djenne)

(this is present Djenne)
So, turns out that I am allergic to the environment, both inside and out. I got an allergic reaction to all the environmental stuff that they put on me. My only option is getting a shot of what I’m allergic to and build an immunity. I thought this was so funny. I’m allergic to the world. Next week, I’ll find out which foods I’m allergic to.

My best friend for my entire life, Tishonda is coming home and she hasn’t been home for so many damn years. I finally get to see her today! My best friend, Brandon is coming home soon and my yeasty meds are wearing off tomorrow then I can drink again! I have a bottle of wine in the fridge that I have been dying to drink! Plus, drinking with both my friends that are coming home.

I’ve been watching Shameless and I now realize that I shouldn’t watch it while writing in a Starbucks. Also, Jenny Lawson is an amazing writer. I am reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and it’s hilariously funny. I tried so hard keeping a straight face while listening to her book. She was talking about the time she was elbow deep in a cow’s vagina. READ IT! It’s good!