So, I see this blog as sort of a diary. Lately I’ve been thinking about my fears.
I have a great fear of rejection. I hate being told no. Maybe it’s just everyone’s need to be accepted? I don’t know. I’m not writing from a place where I overcame my fear, I’m still trying to sort it all out. I have no idea how to overcome this fear for every moment I face the opportunity of rejection. I know that the almighty rule is that if you don’t face rejection, how can you get growth. I just have a really hard time allowing the possible rejection to come.
Earlier this year, I had a very hard time with rejection. Instead of being upfront with my thoughts and feelings, I lashed out at people and became negative and so mean.
When it comes to dating, rejection bothers me the most. I always trick myself into thinking that I fine with being “just friends” with the people I have feelings for because I start thinking that I could say something about my feelings and then things would change. The relationship could change or I’d never spoken to them again. Taking that next step has been petrifying. Honestly, the only time I actually did it, I was drunk.
Work wise, I want to create a new YouTube series about sex where I talk about my own experiences and then give info on helpful info on sex and all the things that go with it. This plan excited me when I started but now that I am ready to post. I am terrified to press upload. I wonder what the future would hold with this info out there. I keep thinking of all the bad that could possibly happen and I don’t think about the positive.
Well… I do when it comes to dating but then I have the fear of someone having to also deal with my emotions and feelings other than myself (even though my friends already do that) It’s all about those irrational fears.
My point is, I want to have a week of just saying “Fuck It” and see how things go. I want to post these videos and open up with everyone about my feelings nonstop and see how this shit goes because why am I choosing to live a life filled with regret and remorse. Why am I refusing to move forward? Why am I choosing to be of those nay sayers who love to tear me down? Fuck, why am I tearing myself down before the naysayers get to me?
I want to be in the moment and be more open about everything instead of shutting myself off to all the great that could possibly happen. If you’d like to join my week of “Fuck It”. Let me know and let’s keep each other accountable.
Only a week because I wanna see how it feels. I’ll probably carry on with it afterward but I am a fan of trials.
Thanks for reading!