Howdy. It is Monday. I am still sick and the sick has made me fucking exhausted. Between all my medications for my period and the sickness in general, I didn’t notice how anxious I have been all week. Pilling on responsibilities like its a fucking buffet.
Perfect week to start reading a “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by Jen Sincero. Fuck, there was one part when she mentioned being afraid to date because in the past you’ve only seen bad relationships and I mean, FUCK YES! I really wanted to put a lil flashlight on this little babe.
I hope my family and friends see this and don’t get salty but seeing their relationships and seeing how hard being in a relationship has been for them and how toxic they’ve been. I am so nervous about dating. I don’t like talking about dating. I get anxious by just having crushes. I panic about the idea of going on a date with someone. The entirety of dating freaks me out because I always wonder. Will dating this person ruin me and change all my values? Will this person take away what I value so much in myself? I see some people get into a relationship and they stop making the art that they’re so good at or cry every night but start with them because there is this co-dependency. Gaining that unhappy weight and their partners criticizing them because of their bodies.
It just so happens that a lot of the people around me have been in bad relationships. I know that just because they’ve been in bad relationships doesn’t mean that when I get in one, but fuck does dating frighten me. I am trying so very hard to calm my anxiety and this book has been helping me loads.
I also, I want to make money off of my social media so that I can focus on my school work. Then after I get my bachelors, I want to study abroad to get my masters. I would also like to study abroad in between that and “You Are A BadAss” has made me feel like I can get all of this done. I CAN ACHIEVE!
But first, I’d like to nap until my next class because being sick is fucking exhausting. Read the book if you need inspiration because it’s fucking amazing!
Normally when I’m super anxious in school, I just binge watch Doctor Who. My binging started yesterday. This is amazing. I will stop my yapping now. I love you all. Help me get success, thanks.