My good week!

Hey,

I feel like my Friday post was hella positive and that positivity totally spread in increments throughout the weekend. On Friday, I am proud to say I got the job. It’s at a  Cheese Company in Connecticut that Cheese Club gets cheese from. If you didn’t know, I co-run the Cheese Club at my college at SUNY Purchase. The people there seem so cool and the environment is relaxing. It’s far, it wouldn’t be if I drove but since I don’t, its like two hours away.

My first practice day was dope, as I was saying. I bought myself a $5 bottle of wine and a burrito form an authentic Mexican place nearby. SO YUMMY! I knew that when I got back to school, Veronica from the organization I’m apart of, called JAIA, was going to stop by to do a quick interview. When I went out to the parking lot to let her in, I was surprised by my best friend! I’ve missed her so much and I am so thankful for the surprise. After the interview, she got to stay at my school for a bit and I got to get her into the weird drama of my school. I had so much fun being with her and adoring her. Turns out she’s one of my soul mates.

I feel like we have multiple soulmates within our lives. All important, only a few will stay with you through your life.

Anyway, that night, Veronica stopped by Trader Joe’s and got me some seafood. This weekend had made me want to fully go back to being pescatarian. My issue is that I get cramps all the time and sometimes when it’s bad, I crave meat and I let myself eat it. Then regret it because it makes me sick or gives me even worse cramps. It’s a horrible system but now, that I will be having money in my fucking account. I can eat properly, no coffee, more fruits, and veggies. The good stuff!

Saturday, I was able to go to a parade with a few friends and I saw so many people dressed up in amazing costumes. I was tired but I enjoyed myself. The kiddies looked so adorable and then I spent the rest of my night and most of Sunday watching Stranger Things… Which was so fucking good! I finished my homework and plan on finishing two of my essays today. This week will be busy so I really need to get them done today.

This morning, I got a call from freaking Barnes and Noble offering me a position. I have been wanting to work there since I was 16. I love books and that environment. I want discounted books and food! Now I need to decide which place I’d like to work. One is farther and probably pays more and one is so close, travel there is totally free. It’s something for me to think about. I’m so happy I have the choice though. That makes me feel so good!

I feel so good because now I know I have the opportunity to make my own money and with my own money comes to my own choices. It’s a new responsibility. I know that the first few things that I want to do are, buy my mom a dope ass birthday and Christmas gift. Treat myself to some jewelry. I really love jewelry. I think I want to buy myself a ring. I am 100% getting the iPhone 8 plus. Then, to be responsible, I’ll be paying off my bills, slowly, so I can still have some “treat yo self” money. I really want to invest in myself and creating my own business. That’s what I intend on doing. Working hard so that I can work for myself. I am so excited to start this trip. I will be remaining positive and enjoying life and what it has to offer. I am so hype!

Thanks for reading!

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Comfort Zones

Hello, babes.

This week, I’ve noticed that I’ve been chilling in my comfort zone. I thought I was being all kinds of bold and dressing up and occasionally talking in class, I hate talking in class.

A friend of mine started doing things that I wasn’t used to. He was getting closer to my family and in that way, he was getting closer to me and I spent an entire day in anxiety because none of my friends got close to my family like that. I called him and talked to him and I realized why I had resistance. I always say how crazy my family is, how out there they are. I didn’t realize that there are some things in my family that I’ve been hiding. I fooled myself into thinking that I’m an open person. I am open to what goes on with me. I know that I am. I’m just not open with my emotions and how these experiences effected me.

I’ve been telling myself all week that I don’t know how I’m feeling. I think I’m okay with things and then I realize I’m not. I have not been in tune with my emotions at all.

That was a whole tangent, let’s get back to comfort. I am currently waiting to go into a trial shift at this cheese company. I am trying so hard to continue being positive and then those nagging thoughts come in. Those negative ones that stay talking shit. As if I can’t handle it. It’s only scary because if all goes well, I will be working, at a job. I have never worked at a job before. I have volunteered and never worked. The boss people were kind of nervous because I’m kinda far and don’t drive and I also have never worked before. I’m trying not to psych myself out. To stay focused on what I want. I know that this job can give me the financial stability that I desire. It’s just another step. That one step is making me nervous.

Speaking about that, I have been slacking with my other wants the things I think and dream about. The things I know that I want. I haven’t gone after it because I’ve just been scared.

I am scared of rejection. I don’t like rejection AT ALL. I know it’s supposed to help you grow and become better. Getting out of your comfort zone and getting rejected is supposed to help you grow. That’s what the people say. It’s just so scary making that leap. Those butterflies in my belly, the anxiety in my chest. It’s so hard to ignore.

That being said, today is such a busy day. So many things on my schedule have been overlapping. I am so tired and I want to be home but I’m going to try and do everything that I can possibly do. I’m sitting in a room where I am the only black person. It’s the Starbucks across the street from the cheese company. I don’t like being the only black person in places but hey, getting out of those comfort zones. It’s like ripping open an embryonic sack. That’s how hard I’m imagining it. Very weird description, enjoy it.

WISH ME LUCK!

It’s all about that energy

Hello, cuties!

Does anyone remember that post when I talked about witchy stuff? All that beautiful information has now brought me into thoroughly believing in my self and my magic!

nikita-ermakov

Let me explain, so say I’m having an exhausting day and I want nothing more than for things to go smoothly when I need to go into town. I try and keep a positive mindset, I think and hope that the bus won’t be delayed and when I buy things, I’d find a surprise discount on one of my favorite things.  Surprisingly, it actually happened. I got my cranberry juice and my milk at a discount and I got to come back to my apartment and rest for the night.

What I’m saying is that I’ve been finding power in keeping a positive mindset and positive energy. Knowing that keeping my energy positive will allow me to have a more positive day. I think it’s also powerful to keep in mind that even the biggest dreams can happen.

I think it’s something to practice. I want to get more money to buy nice things for myself. When applying for jobs, I think positively and let what needs to happen to happen. It’s that one with the universe mumbo jumbo. It’s being in alignment with things around you. Knowing that what’s best for you may not be what you want and still accepting.

I’m loving it and I wanted to share that with you all. I hope you enjoyed.

That New New

Hello, lovelies

Monday’s post didn’t go up because there was a family emergency and I rushed home.  I was gonna post the day after but I decided to give myself some time to relax. I have been so exhausted lately.

There needs to be a way for me to let you guys know when I won’t be able to post. I’ll leave my twitter (@MyBoringLife_) and I’ll keep that posted in the future.
That being said, I feel like i’m growing into this whole new person. I feel like blogging has helped that. Especially because this is my own form of expression. Expressing myself is amazing to me because while growing up, I kept so much bottled in. I refused to express my thoughts and opinions because I was scared to see how they would react.

I’ve grown to just not freaking care. It’s one thing to express yourself and another thing to express yourself while still caring how others feel. Am I making sense? I’m kinda tired. Like, say I wanna die my hair blue because blue is my happy color. I’ve decided to do it, bought the products, finished the whole process of dyeing and my hair is styled how I want. Personally, I love it and I KNOW this is what I want. Then I go out and my best friend says that she doesn’t really like how my hair is. So does my dad, my sisters and my neighbor. Now, I could be insecure because look at all these people who say my hair is horrible. It’s that choice to just say, “fuck it” who cares what you feel about the hair that I love.

There is power in standing in your truth and maintaining a “fuck it” mentality. I know that i care about so many people and I know that I have so many responsibilities. I just know that I need to stay true to myself and my needs and what I want. I won’t say that I take my own advice all the time but I definitely feel it today. I just do what feels right for me.

I have become a new person who is still growing but I am so happy about the person I am now. I love my hair, my skin, my clothes, my friends, my family. I feel like I’m in a good place for growth and understanding.

I just wish I learned how to sleep and to actually manage my asthma and cramps, I’ll just put that in the growth column.

Goodnight, all. I cannot wait to finally go to sleep. If i’m on my game, Monday’s post will be up at my typical time, noonish.

Late night post

Hello, my week was long and filled with trash and all I want to do is sleep. I’m gonna keep this pretty post short and sweet because I am so delirious.

I spent this whole week trying to manage my mental health and all my stupid midterms. It was so exhausting. I don’t want to dwell on the sad. I just want to announce that my cat, who has been with me my whole life, has passed away. She was really old and it was expected but the thought of her being gone breaks my heart. It’s also strange to actually accept her being gone since I am not home. When I do go home, I can imagine how heartbreaking it will be.

Positives though, I had so much fun with my roommate Alex all week. We laughed so much. I went to that Jock O’ Ween fest in Sleepy Hallow. I’m gonna post a youtube video soon but in the meantime, check my personal Instagram @djenne.g. It was fun and free because I was helping my friends out with their project.

A relationship issue that has been bothering me for a week or two now has finally been resolved. I did not have a panic attack this week. Instead, I treated myself to some Panera Bread. I had broccoli cheddar and those yummy pumpkin muffies. Tonight, I’m making myself hot wings and potato salad and listening to as many audiobooks as possible this weekend. I am treating myself to leisure reading and binging TV shows. I am excited for a little break this weekend. I’ve had a constant headache all week, along with nausea. I just want to lay in bed. If you like, you can send some money to my PayPal for some take out this week. lol. (but if you’d like the link is in my About Me.

I spent my entire weekend in bed.

Hello, all.

My Monday is so tiring and I had a weekend just sleeping and wake up Monday exhausted. I want to make a post because I refuse to skip a day without an actual excuse.

I spent all day having vivid daydreams about having a family. Like growing up and being married and having children. I had three children and they were so cute. I am tired of being broke. I am so over this. Can we just pray that somewhere I applied to hires me. I need some fucking money. I want to buy things and I’m tired of begging my parents for money. I want to buy nice things! I want to treat myself so simple things. New clothes, bags, shoes, books, food. Damn. I am so tired of this bullshit. I am so willing to go out my way to work. I’m willing to work hard and be exhausted. I’m just tired of where I am now. I want money and a damn love life. I want to drive and to travel. I really want to have my things in order. I feel so ready. Now it’s just a matter of leaving things up to the universe. It’s not for a lack of trying on my part.

That being said, if you know someone who wants to hire someone and is near my school. Or if they’re willing to do a long distance job. I put my PayPal in my About Me, if you want to donate, feel free. Here is a link: PayPal.Me/DjenneG

The Gal Chats

Howdy, sweet loves!

First off, I’d like to say what I learned this week. This week, I learned that I am a SUPER chatty person. If you know me, you will find this realization is hella strange. I’m always chatty, I do so many damn videos of me talking aimlessly. How did I just figure this out? Now that I’ve noticed this, I realize that I need to surround myself with people who talk. People who can express themselves fully and people who can share all of their emotions. I love when people tell me what’s going on with them. I need to know what’s going on with people, especially if I’m involved. I won’t thoroughly stress out my need for communication. I just really hope you get what I’m saying. It will be further explained below.

Now Let me tell you guys about how amazing my damn roommates are. I love living with my best friends especially because we get to have deep late night chats. Thursday night after Cheese Club, we talked about communications. I told them all that I refuse to date someone who won’t be able to communicate with me about their feelings and their thoughts. I need someone to give me deep thoughts. I seriously need that.

Our conversation turned into us discussing what we want in those we date, then we talked about men. Here is another epiphany, men don’t talk about their feelings. I’ve been wondering why I don’t have many male friends when I know I love having guys around. Then I realized that I have a hard time befriending guys because they don’t talk about how they feel.

I notice that many of my male friends would joke and twist their words when I want to talk about something deep or involving feelings. As if their feelings can’t be taken seriously. We also discussed how many of our gay male friends have an easier time being expressive. I can have a deep chat with some of my gay friends and we can cry and laugh and just keep talking but my straight friends? Its like I’m yanking their teeth!

Of course, it’s because our society is built in a way that men aren’t allowed to be expressive. They are “supposed” to be these strong people who don’t have emotions and are simply cheerful instead of well-rounded individuals with complex feelings and emotions like anyone else. Men aren’t different from females, it’s just that it’s more difficult for them to express their own needs.

For example, say I’ve been having an anxiety week. At the end of that week, I would call my therapist to call a friend or my mom. Someone I know would sooth all of my feelings or just simmer me down.

Now, I’ve had male friends that have had stressful weeks. I would not know about it for fucking months until they randomly bring it up. I’d say, “You know you could call me and talk to me if that ever happens again” and they’d say something like, “Yea, I know”. Then the next time, once again, I won’t hear about it for months. They try dealing with their shit all by themselves as if they’re so mighty and can handle everything. Even emotions!

When in reality, no one really can handle emotions. Which is why asking for support is so amazing but it can also be hard. We discussed the men in our lives who have suffered in some way or another but refused to get help, it’s seen as a weakness. We all have things that we struggle with, it’s just easier when you can share those issues with someone.

All this to say, boys, girls love a good chat. Whether you’re a straight or gay male, great communication can go a long way. How great would it be if someone simply told you that they liked or did not like you? If someone just came up to you and set their own boundaries without you simply guessing. I think communicating about what’s happening to you is so therapeutic.

Talking about what’s happening with you, with your environment, with your life. It’s so impactful. It’s letting all your shit out and expressing. Expression is amazing. Let people see all of you and your thoughts and opinions. You are so valid in everything. In your feelings and your place in this world. Please let this be something you work on, expressing and understanding. It’s so powerful!