Back home!

Hey All!
I am home! Finally! Back in Brooklyn and kicking it with all my pals. I’ve been sleeping in and staying up late. Drinking with my homies and taking my sweet time for myself.

I didn’t notice how I’ve been neglecting myself and my self-care until I continuously woke up in the afternoon for three days straight. Lol. I needed my sleep and my space to myself. I needed movies and music and books. I needed my sweet nephew’s laughter and cracking jokes and watching Hallmark movies with my mom. I really needed to be home. In a safe space with people who always love me and also get on my nerves. Lol. Such is family.

Now, all that being said, there is something that I wanted to discuss with you all. Lately, I’ve been hearing people call me selfish. When first hearing this, I was so upset because how the hell could I be selfish when I give so much of myself away to people. Giving my time and energy to other people’s bullshit. It took being called selfish for the second time for me to actually realize that I am being selfish.

This semester that I went through where I had to deal with my own stress and mental issues along with like 10 other people’s stress and mental issues. This semester, I started taking more and more time to myself and doing things that gave me comfort. I slipped away from the responsibility of dealing with Becca and her shit and instead, made a hot chocolate and took a bath and watched something on Netflix. I used the little bit of money that I had to buy things that would center me. My goal was to become centered while being at school. It did not happen all the time but at times, it was manageable. This semester was so hard because I had so much shit to handle outside of my own studies, which I didn’t handle very well.

Now that I am home, I am refusing to chop off pieces of myself to give to the woes of everyone. If I want something, I’m going to get it. If I want to relax, I’m going to. I spent far too much time catering to the needs of everyone around me. My fucking plants are even dying. My health isn’t where I’d like it to be. I want to take care of myself. My mental health and physical health. I want to be in myself and enjoy myself. I am responsible for my own shit. I’ve accepted that I can’t place my life in other people’s hands. I need to take care of myself. I want to scream that from the rooftops. Being selfish is okay. Nothing is wrong with taking care of yourself first. Keep the people who make you feel good. Ditch the people who make you feel good. Enjoy yourself and your choices. Take care of you!


Peace out, girl scout!

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Ending the Semester

Hello, I am barely making it this semester. Watch my struggles in my vlogmas.


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I am behind in my work, I haven’t studied for my finals because I’m working all weekend. I don’t really care about any of my classes. I’m starting to not even care about passing or failing because I just want to feel again. I want to sleep, I want to not be sick, I want to make sure that my body and mind is feeling 100%. I want to be making myself more and more successful. This semester has really dragged me down and I feel like it’s becauseĀ I continuously thought about the word responsibility.

I thought about all the things I’m responsible for and how I can be more of an independent woman. I always think about which choices I can make that’s good for me and whether or not my choices are affecting other people. I tried so hard being responsible for cheese club and the member’s feelings, being mindful of my roommates and sacrificing small things to keep everyone on good terms. Trying to be my best at school and work not because it’s what I want but I know that my mom and other people I look up to would be happy seeing how great I’m doing.

I’ve been thinking all day about whether or not my actions are for me. If I’m doing things becauseĀ it’s good for me or if it’s just good for those around me.

Now, I try and think if I’m not doing what’s good for me now, what would it actually look like?

I know that I want to be creating my own brand/business. I am just so unsure of how that would look and how to achieve it. I don’t feel like I have any energy left to focus on myself.

I also feel like being a busy person also makes people sacrifice the good things in their lives.

I have so much going on within myself. Issues with trusting the people around me and managing my time. I know that I am so much better mentally when I can sleep well. I want to work on my own time and actually making some damn money.

I want to go to London with a friend from work. Even having money for myself is hard.

I’m hoping for some clarity tonight with JAIA, there is an event called a Taize. My fingers are crossed and I’m praying for you all who are going through anything similar.

Christmas Reading List pt. 2

Hey!

I’m tired of writing posts about being stressed so, this will be my posts until I can actually think straight. Watch my Vlogmas here.

The classic tale, a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. What is Christmas without Ebenezer Scrooge I once tried to write a story copying the theme and it did not work so well. For those of you who know nothing of this story, you know who you are… catch up!
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and another one is… My True Love Gave to Me. It’s a collection of holiday stories written by 12 different authors, their names are on the cover below. It’s so cute. It’s like Hallmark movies but as a book… and 100 times better. Like, they actually have great plots.

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That’s all folks. Two books a post! See ya!

Christmas Reading List!

Hello, loves! In honor of Christmas, I will be posting some recommended reads every now and then.

Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday. I even have a list of things to drag one of my humbug besties too. Check out my Vlogmas, it will all be there. Lol. I have not posted my first vlogmas yet so here is my channel!

Let’s get this thing started.

First book,
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Ummmmm… DUH! I love reading and watching Harry Potter this time of year! It’s so festive and literally magical. It’s also my all time favorite book/movie series. I love the Harry Potter franchise, this is from your resident Hufflepuff!

Second book today is…
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Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan

I picked up this book in high school and it’s about two book lovers. So, DUH! This book made me dream of falling in love with a book lover. I put myself in Lily’s shoes so many times. I made it a tradition to reread it every year. I will be reading it when I am finished with school, finally! It’s such a quick read! There is also a second book, I didn’t love it that much but, that’s just me!

That’s all folk! Maybe I’ll give recommendations every Friday/Saturday or create a special holiday post day. We shall see!

It’s late because ya girl is in crunch time at school and work so just deal with me! Vlogmas will be up every day at around 5. You better watch out!