I am home! Finally! Back in Brooklyn and kicking it with all my pals. I’ve been sleeping in and staying up late. Drinking with my homies and taking my sweet time for myself.
I didn’t notice how I’ve been neglecting myself and my self-care until I continuously woke up in the afternoon for three days straight. Lol. I needed my sleep and my space to myself. I needed movies and music and books. I needed my sweet nephew’s laughter and cracking jokes and watching Hallmark movies with my mom. I really needed to be home. In a safe space with people who always love me and also get on my nerves. Lol. Such is family.
Now, all that being said, there is something that I wanted to discuss with you all. Lately, I’ve been hearing people call me selfish. When first hearing this, I was so upset because how the hell could I be selfish when I give so much of myself away to people. Giving my time and energy to other people’s bullshit. It took being called selfish for the second time for me to actually realize that I am being selfish.
This semester that I went through where I had to deal with my own stress and mental issues along with like 10 other people’s stress and mental issues. This semester, I started taking more and more time to myself and doing things that gave me comfort. I slipped away from the responsibility of dealing with Becca and her shit and instead, made a hot chocolate and took a bath and watched something on Netflix. I used the little bit of money that I had to buy things that would center me. My goal was to become centered while being at school. It did not happen all the time but at times, it was manageable. This semester was so hard because I had so much shit to handle outside of my own studies, which I didn’t handle very well.
Now that I am home, I am refusing to chop off pieces of myself to give to the woes of everyone. If I want something, I’m going to get it. If I want to relax, I’m going to. I spent far too much time catering to the needs of everyone around me. My fucking plants are even dying. My health isn’t where I’d like it to be. I want to take care of myself. My mental health and physical health. I want to be in myself and enjoy myself. I am responsible for my own shit. I’ve accepted that I can’t place my life in other people’s hands. I need to take care of myself. I want to scream that from the rooftops. Being selfish is okay. Nothing is wrong with taking care of yourself first. Keep the people who make you feel good. Ditch the people who make you feel good. Enjoy yourself and your choices. Take care of you!
Peace out, girl scout!