So, if you don’t know already, I just turned Twenty-Two. I spent my birthday relaxing because I had a feeling that this year was the year to relax and do nothing. I thought about doing what typical 22-year-olds would do and planned to go out with my cousins on their MLK museum adventures but at the last second, I decided to just relax. I stayed in and had many questions thrown at me about why I wasn’t going out on my birthday. I had already celebrated my birthday with both friends and family before my birthday so I had no other obligations but to myself.
A few days prior to my birthday, I had a big long cry because of what I’ve honestly been calling it, a heartbreak. I had an issue with a friend who is very dear to me and I thought that nothing would be the same again and so I had a weekend just feeling bad for myself and holding in tears at work. I tried to turn to every single friend I had and my co-workers asking them how to deal with what I’m feeling and everything they said to me just didn’t feel right.
No one knew the relationship I was in. They didn’t share the moments that I shared with that friend. Everyone I told immediately said, well, who needs that relationship anyway. Fuck them! You deserve better! And so on, the whole empowering speech. Though I did enjoy the hugs they gave me, the words just made me feel worse. Like I’d never be able to be around them or act positively because of the hurt I felt in that moment. Everything they said to me was so negative and I knew did not want that.
When opening up to my friends about what was going on made me realize that:
1. I want to be a more positive person. I want to handle my problems with thoughtfulness and positivity instead of quickly turning into negativity. I’ve had years of being someone who went to yelling and cursing before thinking and crying.
I mean, it could alter from person to person but I feel like there are parts of everyone where you can understand their actions, understanding why they acted the way they did. I think there is power in not looking into the dark places in everyone and instead choosing to think more open. Obviously, after acknowledging your own feelings. Because yourself comes first!
2. EVERYONE has an experience that is similar to yours. That’s how we can so easily sympathize with being mad at a parent or heartbreak. We have our own personal reference. We all go through similar situations but we don’t acknowledge that everything is not the same.
When discussing my situation with my friends, everyone sympathized with what I was saying and dolled out their advice because they’ve been through a heartbreak before and of course, heartbreak has gone one way for them and so, heartbreak will appear for me in the same way. Just because someone’s hurt or experience sounds the same, doesn’t mean there aren’t other factors tied into that experience. Every situation is different and so, you’ve got to act accordingly.
With this one situation that I went through, I’ve learned so much. Anyone who has dealt with a heartbreak will advise you to handle yours how they went through theirs. I turned back and had a conversation with my friend and now we’re fine and when I let my friends know that I was actually okay and not a sobbing mess. They were so confused. They said I was stupid and fuck, I could be but I decided to speak about what was going on with me. I had a good conversation and I’m okay now. The bafflement and confusion is prevalent in all of my friends but I’m totally good.
We tend to project our situations and feel personally offended by our friend’s life choices. It’s our way of “protecting them” I’m a victim of that too. I have a friend who has a boyfriend and he acts dumb as hell every now and then. I know my friend is gorgeous and so damn smart and can get any man she wants but she chooses to be with him because they have great communication and he supports and encourages her and her dreams. From the outside looking in, most times, he is horrible. But from in their relationship, she is satisfied.
This situation has made me realize that I should chill with crying on everyone’s shoulder. Not because they did anything wrong, fuck, it’s in our nature, but because I want to be able to solve my own situations with my own intuition. I also don’t want my friends disliking the people I keep in my circle.
Everyone and their mother can tell you how to show up in your own life. You’ve got to start acting like your life is yours. Wait, let me reframe, I want to start acting like my life is mine. I have the power to keep the people in my life that make me happy, to accomplish any dream and to remain as open an positive as I want to be. I make my own choices. This week made me really realize that my life is totally in my own hands. I am powerful!
Side-note: I’m currently listening to “You Are A Badass at Making Money” by Jen Sincero. I love her and I love her books. They inspire me so much and make me feel so powerful. Today, i want to go get a Brazilian wax because, I love them and i was expecting to spend about $40 today but when I got to the register and asked you use my $5 birthday discount, she said that I had about $33 as rewards because for years, I made appointments online and you get point when you do that. I spent $6 on my wax so I could afford to give the woman a nicer tip than usual. I was so happy. I started getting all my free birthing stuff. Like my ice cream and moisturizer from Sephora. Today has been a great day.
I am standing in myself and my truth and I’m just empowering my damn self!