Hello, I kind of forgot how to blog so bear with me!
If you’ve been reading my blog as of late, then you know how hard this semester has been for the past few months. I’ve been busting my butt trying to get all my work done and going to work and trying to squeeze in my own personal time in between that.
Now that the semester is over, I’ve found myself still trying to do a million and one things at once. I filled up my first week back with so many activities and now that my first week is done. I am sick and my body is so sore.
My body was killing me as the semester ended, I was told that my mental exhaustion was reflecting in my body and knowing that, I still chose to busy my body with loads of tasks.
I spent a lot of my time back not listening to myself or my body. I tried jumping back into the swing of things by trying to get a job and meet with friends and so what my family desired. I found myself giving my energy away to everyone around me and not focusing on myself.
I planned so many things for my time back home and I was so eager to get everything done as soon as possible. I wanted to work off all of my stress-eating weight (I gained weight during the semester), I wanted to jump into my senior project and blog. I wanted to get a job. I tried to force it all into one week and felt drained because I didn’t do what I planned to do.
Now that the first week is over, I’ve had time to notice my mistakes because it’s all caught up with me. I’ve been laying in bed sick for two days now. It’s nice, I’ve been resting and trying to organize myself and thoughts in a less stressful way.
I noticed that my thoughts tend to get super jumbled and that my desires have been mixed up and to help this out, I’ve decided to journal at least every night to get all these thoughts out.
I didn’t acknowledge how draining last semester was, I kept a lot of my thoughts and feelings inside and kind of forgot how to voice them so I’m practicing by writing them all out.
I noticed how important it is to be softer with myself and to listen. I listen to what other people say I should be doing. Like immediately getting a job once I returned from college. I have every intention to work this summer, I just also know that in order for me to move forward, I need to recenter myself. I need to really understand myself and my next step.
This weekend I was so close to having a panic attack by trying to go with what was expected of me. I couldn’t find what I needed to calm myself down so I went to a great friend, Alex, who does not read my blog. lol. She helped me get through it and though she told me to just stay home and rest, I went out. My experience was positive and I had no regrets about going. I just know now that I am going to follow the flow of my body in the future and not force anything.
I keep second guessing what I put out into the universe. I think far too much before I post a post or edit a video. Which can be good in order to put out what I’m passionate about but sometimes, I just refuse to put up good content.
All that being said, here are so recommendations and revelations:
You gotta do what calms you down physically and mentally. I’ve been binging shows and soon I’ll start getting back into books. I need things that don’t require a lot of thought because my headspace isn’t too clear. Rest your body. Take a bath, get a massage, lay in bed. Chillax.
TV shows: Watch This Is Us. I just started and I’m wrapped up in it. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is gold. Agents of Sheild was wild af. Adventure time is poppington and so is Steven Universe. While writing this, I am watching Children of the Whales.
Relationships change, it can be from differences of opinions or lack of understandings. People change and relationships change. Now that I’m back, so many things are different and a lot of it makes me very uncomfortable. What I learned from last night’s journaling is that I can keep negative feelings or I can chose to move forward and be positive. I can stay mad about something that can’t be changed or I can move on.
A lot of things are coming to light and I noticed that I am very nice and nice to people who don’t give me the same in return. I feel like part of why I’ve been drained is because I’ve been overcompensating for the lack of balance in some of my relationships. Once again, I recommend discussing it and then move on because it needs to be out there.
Change up your space. I rearranged the furniture in my room and threw some things out in the hopes of changing my mindset and it totally helped. There are still things that need to be done but I’m loving it.
Writing has become my safe space and I am excited to sit in my comfy room and write half of my novel this summer!
Thanks for reading!