My Summer So Far

Hello and please allow me to go the fuck off about this summer.

PSA: I plan on being hella raw and incredibly vague for those who are involved with this summer.

When this summer started, I had a list of all the things I wanted to do (check it out here). I’ve done some but the things I found most important are still undone. I wanted to write the first draft of my novel and create an entire outline for my senior project. I wanted to hang out with my friends that I hold so dear to me but… you know… things fall apart.

I knew from the very beginning of this summer that it was going to be about my own growth. I knew that this summer was gonna throw shit at me that I don’t want to even deal with. Like the reality that one of the relationships that I valued was going to go right down the toilet and that another one of my relationships was going to change in an uncomfortable but much-needed way.

People grow apart all the time. In my case, it was always because of a lack of communication. When I noticed that both of these relationships were falling apart, I reached out to them both. One of them listened and expressed their own concerns until we found a loving and mutual agreement and the other… well… I believe we are both lying to ourselves, each other and everyone about what we desire from the relationship. That lack of communication finally ended our relationship and as much as it hurts. I think it’s for the better. I am in no way shape or form ready to just move on from what felt like a very important part in my life so, I’ll allow myself to grieve and keep moving forward.

Relationships end whether you want them to or not.

I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t give up on people but at this moment, I am putting myself first.

Now onto my writing!

So, I got this CRAZY job opportunity where I am basically teaching these kids to be a bit more creative (it’s far more than that but long story short). This opportunity popped up out of the blue and then I kept getting slapped with a bunch more positivity like this dude from Barnes and Noble, who just happens to have graduated from my college and in the same major, offering to help me with my senior project. It was super wild how my life kept throwing positivity at me. I was so wrapped up in work and getting everything done perfectly that I completely forgot to look into my senior project work and to finish my draft of my novel.

I only have a month left of my summer and three weeks of work. HOw the hell will I squeeze in everything?  Thankfully, for my SP, all I really have to do is read books. That was all they asked of me. I was trying to go above and beyond since I wasn’t expecting to work.

I’m slightly overwhelmed but I am also super excited about attempting to finish it all up. This summer was not at all what I expected. I adopted a dog and realized the responsibility was bigger than I imagined so I gave him to a loving family. His name is CJ. This summer really REALLY tried it but I know that I will be ending this summer strong. I’m not sure when I’ll be writing again but I hope it’s soon.

My diary entry is now finished. LOL. Thanks for reading.

 P.S. I learned how to make Chai Lattes!

Advertisements

Patience is Key!

Hello!

I have such a hard time staying focused on my healing. I feel like I always jump back to bad habits. The habits that make me feel like garbage inside out and that I just don’t move forward. I have no many wants and desires for myself but getting there seems like the hardest thing ever

Staying true to my diet and my physical fitness so that I don’t have ankle pain or fall into a depression or to get a high cholesterol, again. Being on my game seems so hard but doing nothing at all is so easy. I want to be a motivator to get people into doing what is best for them but I feel like it’s a battle for me to get there

I don’t mean to be that hard on myself because I know that everyone grows on a different level. I just want to get all this done. I’m so tired of waiting. I just want to move forward with myself. 

I’m not going to finish this with some intense mission statement like I usually do, I just want to mention that things aren’t easy. Things take time. It’s great to be easy on yourself but also, realize when enough is enough. I have a million and one excuses not do what I need to get done. I know what I need to do to get over these hurdles, I just keep making the choice not to. For me, right now, its all about choice. 

I look at other people and their success and start believing that everyone else is better than me at putting things out there or finding their own theme. Forgetting that I have my own vibe and my own principles that I stick to make my brand my own. I have the power within myself.

It’s the process that gets me, the middle bit. Once I start, I want results immediately. I’m trying to practice patience. It’s always been hard for me to be patient.

Thanks for reading!