The Books I Couldn’t Put Down (Part 1)


I’ve been avidly reading since high school and back then, it seemed so easy for me to time find books that I instantly fell in love with. I’d read book after book if it were a series or I’d read everything the author has written if it were standalone. It seemed like there were so many good books around me but in reality, when you’re new to the craft, everything is just amazing. lol.

Now that I’m years into reading, it’s been so hard for me to find books that I could just pick up and devour. I am not at all saying that there aren’t great books out there, I just mean there are good books and then there are books that just sweep you away and you just refuse to put it down.

I want to show you guys the books I’ve found love for since I started going to school. (I tried to narrow it down… after looking at my Goodreads. I’m surprised there are this many.)

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake
When kingdom come, there will be one.
Three Dark Crowns (Three Dark Crowns, #1)
In every generation on the island of Fennbirn, a set of triplets is born—three queens, all equal heirs to the crown and each possessor of a coveted magic. Mirabella is a fierce elemental, able to spark hungry flames or vicious storms at the snap of her fingers. Katharine is a poisoner, one who can ingest the deadliest poisons without so much as a stomachache. Arsinoe, a naturalist, is said to have the ability to bloom the reddest rose and control the fiercest of lions.

But becoming the Queen Crowned isn’t solely a matter of royal birth. Each sister has to fight for it. And it’s not just a game of win or lose…it’s life or death. The night the sisters turn sixteen, the battle begins.

The last queen standing gets the crown.

I was a bit surprised by how quickly I fell for this book. I picked it up because I discovered it at BookCon. I have a deck of cards for this book series that I got from BookCon. I figured I should read the book and see what the hype was about. Then I fell in love. I told myself that I can’t start reading the 3rd book until I’ve finished my senior project work.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

To All the Boys I've Loved Before (To All the Boys I've Loved Before, #1)To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is the story of Lara Jean, who has never openly admitted her crushes, but instead wrote each boy a letter about how she felt, sealed it, and hid it in a box under her bed. But one day Lara Jean discovers that somehow her secret box of letters has been mailed, causing all her crushes from her past to confront her about the letters: her first kiss, the boy from summer camp, even her sister’s ex-boyfriend, Josh. As she learns to deal with her past loves face to face, Lara Jean discovers that something good may come out of these letters after all.

I’ll admit that I only picked this book up because I knew it was going to be a Netflix movie but I still loved it. The book was so well done and so was the movie. I read book 2 and soon, I’ll read the book. My issue is that during my semesters, I prefer audiobooks because they’re more convenient and since the last book recently came out, getting an audiobook from the library for it is a bit difficult.

The Fifth Season by N.K Jeminsin

The Fifth Season (The Broken Earth, #1)This is the way the world ends. Again.

Three terrible things happen in a single day. Essun, a woman living an ordinary life in a small town, comes home to find that her husband has brutally murdered their son and kidnapped their daughter. Meanwhile, mighty Sanze — the world-spanning empire whose innovations have been civilization’s bedrock for a thousand years — collapses as most of its citizens are murdered to serve a madman’s vengeance. And worst of all, across the heart of the vast continent known as the Stillness, a great red rift has been torn into the heart of the earth, spewing ash enough to darken the sky for years. Or centuries.

Now Essun must pursue the wreckage of her family through a deadly, dying land. Without sunlight, clean water, or arable land, and with limited stockpiles of supplies, there will be war all across the Stillness: a battle royale of nations not for power or territory, but simply for the basic resources necessary to get through the long dark night. Essun does not care if the world falls apart around her. She’ll break it herself, if she must, to save her daughter.

I had to read this to do my senior project but I love it. At first, I thought it was dragging in the story but then I reread it and now I totally get everything! All the little twists and turns. Sooo good! I just got the second book, Obelisk Gate. I can’t wait to devour it!

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E Schwab

A Darker Shade of Magic (Shades of Magic, #1)
Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black.

Kell was raised in Arnes—Red London—and officially serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, traveling between the frequent bloody regime changes in White London and the court of George III in the dullest of Londons, the one without any magic left to see.

Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they’ll never see. It’s a defiant hobby with dangerous consequences, which Kell is now seeing firsthand.

After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She first robs him, then saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure.

Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they’ll first need to stay alive.

I love V.E Schwab all summer. I wanted to read everything she’s ever written and then I realized it was far too ambitious. I love being in worlds of magic. It always makes me happy and the characters were also so kick ass! LOVED IT!

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi
Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orïsha, #1)
They killed my mother.
They took our magic.
They tried to bury us.

Now we rise.

Zélie Adebola remembers when the soil of Orïsha hummed with magic. Burners ignited flames, Tiders beckoned waves, and Zélie’s Reaper mother summoned forth souls.

But everything changed the night magic disappeared. Under the orders of a ruthless king, maji were killed, leaving Zélie without a mother and her people without hope.

Now Zélie has one chance to bring back magic and strike against the monarchy. With the help of a rogue princess, Zélie must outwit and outrun the crown prince, who is hell-bent on eradicating magic for good.

Danger lurks in Orïsha, where snow leoponaires prowl and vengeful spirits wait in the waters. Yet the greatest danger may be Zélie herself as she struggles to control her powers and her growing feelings for an enemy.


The Diviners by Libba Bray

The Diviners (The Diviners, #1)Evie O’Neill has been exiled from her boring old hometown and shipped off to the bustling streets of New York City—and she is pos-i-tute-ly ecstatic. It’s 1926, and New York is filled with speakeasies, Ziegfeld girls, and rakish pickpockets. The only catch is that she has to live with her uncle Will and his unhealthy obsession with the occult.

Evie worries he’ll discover her darkest secret: a supernatural power that has only brought her trouble so far. But when the police find a murdered girl branded with a cryptic symbol and Will is called to the scene, Evie realizes her gift could help catch a serial killer.

As Evie jumps headlong into a dance with a murderer, other stories unfold in the city that never sleeps. A young man named Memphis is caught between two worlds. A chorus girl named Theta is running from her past. A student named Jericho hides a shocking secret. And unknown to all, something dark and evil has awakened.

I was totally surprised by my love of this book series. I got book after book. I was swept away by the story. I seriously wish there were more books out there like this one because I think that Libba Bray had an amazing take on this book. Magic and murder all in the world of speakeasies. I loved it! I want more!

I feel like I should stop it here! Next week, I’ll post the rest of them.
Sidenote: If you’ve read my last post, I wanted to let you know that all my doctor did was give me a referral to a rheumatologist. She also told me everything I’ve already googled about my results. I don’t go to the doctor until the end of the November. In the meantime, I’m taking Vitamin D and B-12 and attempting a sleeping schedule. Hopefully, it works. I just have to wait.

Reccoemdnations: Get better doctors! Lol
BoJack Horseman (On Netflix)
Saiki K. (On Netflix)
Write little notes for yourself. Reminders and happy notes.

Thanks for reading!


Sunday Blues… I guess


I wanted to write something quick in the hopes to get over this bit of anxiety I’m feeling. So, damn near a month ago, I went to the doctor because I had months of constantly being tired. She did some bloodwork and the results say that it could indicate some kind of autoimmune disease. My doctor is stressing that she cannot tell me what it is over the phone and instead told me to schedule a doctor’s appointment.

I JUST went back to school which is two hours away and it is the busiest semester because it’s my senior year. I told her I wouldn’t be able to come in until the end of the month and she told me to wait until the end of the month and come in.

I have been stressed about this for weeks now!

Not only am I still feeling the same side effects butI’m also trying to get all my shit done!

I feel like I’m better at complaining about this vocally than writing. I should really get back into making videos.

I’ve been looking up my results and googling them. I went to a doctor on campus hoping she would give me info but literally sat there while she googled everything I did. Lol.

I am upset because I had to wait this long speculating and thinking about the worst case scenario. Did she not think I’d be worried about having some kind of disease from the results? That’s just ridiculous. Even in the results, It said that it could indicate SLE or drug-induced Lupus.

I swear there is nothing that woman could say to me that would make me feel like her silence was okay.

When it comes to my health! I feel like I deserve to be told what is wrong at the earliest convenience. If it’s something big or something small or something that needs more research. I should be told. Especially because I’m away at school and the thought of having a disease is constantly on my mind.

The thing is though, I knew something was wrong and as serious as an autoimmune disease is, I’d rather be told that I had it and learned of a way to feel better than being told that absolutely nothing is wrong with me.

When I tell people what’s going on, they always pray that it’s nothing but I think I’d hate that more. That would mean that this constant fatigue that is getting in the way of getting my work done and fucking up my focus is just all in my head. I feel like that’s worse.

I’ve gone to the doctor’s complaining about joint pain and they would say it’s “growing pains”. I found myself in so much pain that I refused to work out because it just hurt. They never gave me anything to help sort things out. I was just in pain to just be in pain.

Now I know that yoga does help with my joint pain but it’s still frustrating being in pain. You know? I wake up and get out of bed, landing on achy ankles. I try typing my homework or blog posts and my wrists begin to hurt. I want to find solutions to my body problems instead of being told that it’s just how my body is and feeling like it could be something more.

I went on a tangent. I’d say sorry but this is my stream of conscious blog post.

On Wednesday, I will be finally heading home and seeing my doctor. I am super nervous for the appointment but I also want to see what’s up. I will put up another post that night at work if I hear anything substantial.

This post is kinda just for me to have as a memory. I’m posting it just so that I can log this for future Djenne! 

I was hungover for an entire day.


Okay, so… let me explain!

I wrote in a previous post about having to “break up” with a great friend and love. At the time, I felt like I had all my shit together. I felt like dumping a friend and moving forward was super easy and I felt like I really had it but then all of a sudden sadness hit me.

I was wondering how life would be with that friend in it and moping around about hypotheticals, I’m a REALLY SAPPY bitch. The first Friday back to school, I tried “drinking my feelings”. I was screaming to the entire campus about my sadness, taking shots of vodka, tequila, rum. I gave zero fucks about the next day. I wanted to go big because my feelings were hurt.

The next day, I felt like shit. obviously.

I thought that if I hydrated then I’d feel better.

That didn’t help. I laid in bed with my head spinning and wishing it would end. I was finally able to eat by the end of the night. Then I had work the next day for five hours.

I’m only mentioning all this so that you all can see my mistake and the gravity of it so that my next moves would make sense.

While at work, I finally had time to think without my head spinning. I noted how unhealthy my actions were. For me, a child of alcoholics, I go straight to drinking when I am hurting. Especially when my feelings get her. I wallow in every bad way possible. I eat food that’s bad for me and just all around sad.

It wasn’t until I had a session with my therapist that it finally clicked in my brain why I was behaving like this.

I have issues with my self-image. My father was an abuser to my sisters and me. We were constantly told that we weren’t good enough. I feel like it stuck with me. When I have issues in my relationships where I begin to feel like I’m not good enough, I lash out and start treating myself as such. I think it’s why I have such a hard time living a healthy lifestyle, it’s because a part of me doesn’t see myself as worthy of a healthy lifestyle.

I seriously hope that because I now have a conscious thought, I can now start caring for myself the way I deserve.

The thing is, I spent years not feeling like I was good enough in moments but still forcing myself to push through and keep moving forward.

“Like so what I am missing this relationship, I still have to stick to a blogging schedule.”

Then my blogging schedule will be fucked up (as it has been), and then I will still be sad about this heartbreak and not writing up my posts.

Let me clarify. This heartache I’m feeling, I don’t take the time to be patient and gentle with myself because I would feel like I am both not good enough and “strong” enough to get through it without taking time to sort out my feelings.

When it comes to my feelings, I have this idea that these feelings will go away quickly. I feel that even discussing it with some friends, it would be too annoying to complain so these feelings should end fast.

I’m finding it more and more important to be more gentle with myself. Reminding myself of how precious I am. I want to call myself “babe” and give myself patience and love because I deserve that!

My favorite thing about this year is all that I’ve been learning about myself and all the growth that is happening. I notice how much I’ve been changing.

I am not so excited about changing how I see and handle myself. I want to be handled with care by everyone around me but it all starts with myself.

Watch Doctor Who & do an MCU binge
Do your work on weekends so you can chill all weekend
Don’t drink your feelings. Just learn how to get through it. Write letters to lost loves and take a bath or something.