First Semester of Senior Year

Every week of my 1st senior semester. I am writing something short to be posted when it’s all done.

9/05/18 12:49 a.m at work

Why do book releases take so long and why do I books to read for school that distracts my leisure reading?

Graduation sounds cool because I can read and write my own shit but then, I need to make my own money and that is scary.

9/12/18- typed up on Sunday but thought of on that Wednesday

My teacher is batshit crazy. She sends us a million emails a day and then a passive-aggressive email about how early it is in the semester to not be doing work. I sent her an email about me having a possible autoimmune disease and then she offered to let me see her doctor. College is a whole ass mess!

9/23/18
I’m getting really good at angrily speed reading my homework and still absorbing the text. I literally can’t wait until my job finally pays me because I hate being broke.

10/03/18

WHY DO PEOPLE ACT LIKE BREAKUPS ARE EASY TO GET OVER!?!?! All I want to do is talk to my best friend about all of my life changes but I cannot!
I’m also very tired of college and reading the bible every week. I even hate listening to the fucking audiobook. How are there only four posts? I feel like I’ve been here for years.

10/16/18

I’m both really excited to graduate and also don’t want to. I’m tired of this shit.

11/14/18

Wudduhp! It’s ya boi! I forgot to type up new shit for damn near a month. I cannot wait to go home for Thanksgiving on Monday even though my family is a fucking mess. I am really looking forward to being away from school. I have so much shit to do. Thanksgiving might be crazy.

I hate how stupid people are when they come into the library. Why do people come up to me and ask if I know if we have one specific book in the hundreds of thousands of books we have? Bitch go look it up!

Also, dating is weird because men are weird. I don’t understand them. They require so much patience. I hate things that require patience. Maybe I should meditate or go boxing.

Dec. 12
I haven’t written in weeks, everything got super hectic and I just couldn’t focus.
This semester is done for me tomorrow and I will be heading home.

I made a lot of great friends this semester, I’ve bonded with some amazing Lit people (teachers included). I’ve been betrayed, I’ve dated, I got hurt, I’ve experienced a new form of depression, I’ve learned a lot about myself and how my past shows up in my life today.

I realized that drinking is not the best for me and I think I’m going to go sober. I have an impulsive nature and that tied with my history with an alcoholic father is just not a good mix. I’m constantly terrified that I will be like him. I feel like I have some things I need to sort out when it comes to experiencing so much trauma. I think it would be best if I figured it all out sober. I’ve had too many drunken nights having breakdowns about how my father beat me and I’ll be like him.

It hasn’t been coming out very well. I’ve been exploding on other people instead of doing my typical imploding. I also cut myself again this semester. It was small but I hate that I did it. I feel like it’s best if I started making some changes for real and help myself out.

I’m really excited to be finished with this semester of college. I’m so ready to have my chill final semester. I WILL BE PASSING ALL MY CLASSES (Speaking it into existence). Next semester, I have one class called Visions of Dystopia which will totally be dope as shit. I just need to get my license. I’m really looking forward to finishing my last exam and headig into the new year. I have so many plans!!

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