I am so lucky in love. I used to think I was unlovable. My dad would tell me and my family “I love you but I don’t have to like you” and I started to think that’s how it’s is. I have people in my life that love me but they don’t always like me.
I have no idea how or why I believed that for so long. I have people in my life who hold me when I’m overwhelmed and sobbing because I’m working a shitty job, behind in my studies and stressed about my aunt’s cancer.
I have people who remember the little things, like what to say to calm my spinning mind.
I have people who have held me while a grieve the loss of my best friend and I have a best friend who was my very first soulmate, someone who got me all the way to my core.
I have been loved and loved in return people who make me smile, who make me grateful I’m here on this planet.
I have sisters, nieces, nephews, best friends who are strong, creative, joyful.
I told myself I wasn’t worthy to be loved because I experienced so much pain.
Because I was chocked, punched, abandoned and told I was useless by the person who was supposed to show me love.
I thought that since that was the only way I received love, of course I would give the same in turn.
Even with all the truth staring me in my face, that I am loved, that I am cared for, that I am important.
It took one day, one big display of support and kindness from my friends for things to finally click.
Things were painful for a long while and sometimes they still are but the pain doesn’t make you any less loveable, the pain doesn’t mean you can’t be cared for and care for others in return.