djenne g.

You come uncalled for

Unwanted

And with oh so much baggage

You bring pain,

The hurt and the storm.

You arrive unwanted 

Baggage chaotic and unknown

You come with questions with no answers

You come with confusion and frustration

You have not once come with joy and excitement 

With pleasure and kindness 

But with pain and sadness and loss

You come with drama and tears and wishes

You wish we will forget how much you’ve hurt us the last time you were here and the time before that.

You’ve come with heartbreak and forgetfulness 

You forgot that you were the root of my pain, my suffering. You forgot to speak, to protect, to guide, to support

You ignored my pain, my suffering, my hurt and wanted me to forget and ignore it to. 

I know your arrival is supposed to bring joy.

I know I’m expected to be joyful like the times before, when I was young but that is no longer me.

Your arrival no longer brings joy, 

It brings pain and confusion and feelings of being lost yet again.

You make me feel like I have no foundation,

You make my world so

Slippery and confusing just by walking through the door with your baggage

There is always something more, something new to expect that is more harrowing than the one before

You used to bring joy but that was before I knew what you actually carried

You hold ignorance.

If you can’t see it then it is not true

You home carelessness

Knowing something is hurting but not stopping the pain

You remind me that people don’t stay, that nothing is permanent and even if they are here, they don’t really care. They only care for the moment

You remind me that I’m not someone who is good enough to stay for, to get to know, to stay with and watch grow

You find me that people let their own pin and struggle get in the way of relationships

You remind me that people can choose not to grow

You remind me that the baggage you carry is not mine

You remind me that you carry all this baggage because you have never taken the time to work through your own.

You hopped from place to place hoping to find a foundation but only left behind soggy footing.

You remind me that I can choose to grow, choose to live, choose to create, choose to follow a path, choose to enjoy. I can choose the life I want for myself.

I can choose my circle

Your baggage will not weigh me down. Your baggage if your own and I will

No longer let it weigh me down.