NEW MOOD ALERT!

Hey, cuties!!

The way these past few months went, I’ve finally decided that I want to change so much!! I’ve been wanting so much for myself but I haven’t been moving in alignment with my desires and that’s what I really need to be doing.

I want to be healthy and lose weight. I’ve been gaining weight like crazy for the past few months and it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal if I didn’t notice how unhealthy and disgusting I’ve been feeling. I want to actually exercise instead of saying that I will and not doing it. I can work out every day but I don’t. I promise myself that I will now.

I’ve been wanting to fall in love but trying to rush the process with the wrong people. Shit, I’ve even been humoring and dating the wrong people just because I’ve been craving that experience.

I’ve been letting my impulsive behavior get the best of me. I’ve been drinking and eating like there is no tomorrow. I’ve been shoving all this gross shit down my thoughts and making myself feel like trash. I’m over it! I deserve better! I deserve to treat myself better. I want to get focused and begin to HUSTLE!

Doing what I want for my future and start planning for my desires. I WANT TO START WORKING! But I do have an impulsive nature and I’ll need to meditate to keep myself centered. I forget how much I love rushing things. My new aim is to work for what I want and to also be mindful and patient with what comes my way. I am the queen of multitasking and sometimes I don’t finish things off right.

I want to be similar to Alfie Deyes, who used to barely post or be on his game and now look at him, killing the game. Getting shit done. I’ve always loved watching his videos because they inspire me. I feel weird about a white man inspiring me but… I do admire his hustle, even though it won’t come as easily to me as it does to him.

ANYWAYS! Let’s end this off with a recommendation

Stop eating dairy! I’m sitting in this Starbucks with nasty smelling farts because I decided to eat ice cream and cake (with dairy in it) for the past few days. My stomach feels like garbage and my stomach is so bloated, I look pregnant.

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Feeling​ Ugly

Hello!

Lately, I’ve been feeling ugly.

I know it sounds weird but I’ve been feeling it.

Though if anyone had the freaking nerve to call me ugly, I’d argue with them and tell them I’m beautiful. But when I look in the mirror, I don’t feel it at all.

I want to be completely open about this because I feel like it’s normal to stop feeling yourself as much. I think it’s okay that this is happening even though I hate this feeling.

I finally acknowledged the feeling this summer and now that I noticed it, I know I’ve been feeling it for the past few months. I’ve been hating my look and my outfits and stress eating. I’ve felt so gross about my body and my skin. I feel like I’m missing that glow. I’ve noticed that I’m not as happy and I wake up tired all the time.

It’s really hard for my to put this out there but I want to grow.

I want to feel better about my look. I want to feel sexy and confident and feel like I can kick some ass.

I want to branch out of my comfort zone and do things that make me feel uncomfortable because I think I could gain more confidence by doing things that make me uncomfortable. I want to challenge myself by making healthier choices, eating healthy, sleeping on time, working out. I want to be healthy and happy and do everything to ensure that I become successful.

I’ve been slacking on doing what makes me happy and with taking care of myself. I’ve been letting myself eat all the gross junk foods that I see or eating whatever is easy. I really want to change that up.

I want to do what makes me happy and write more blog posts, stories and edit and upload more videos. I really want to finesse my Instagram. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and get shit done. I want to do more excersises and eat healthier.

To start off my new lifestyle, I’m doing more yoga and I got grey hair braided in recently to give myself a whole new look. I even got a bob instead of my long hair. It makes me happy to change things up. I feel like I’m becoming a new person. I like it. I know I have so much more growth coming. I like that I am making moves towards becoming the person I want to be.

I want to bring back my weekly recommendations, so here goes:

Do Yoga with Adriene
Read Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
Watch Gilmore Girls and The Bold Type

Thanks for reading!

“Growing Pains”

Hello, all!

Let me start this off by saying, the transition of coming home this time around is much harder than I first anticipated. I’ve been sick and fatigued. Today, I started feeling trickles of depression so, I know that what I need to do today is write.

This may sound weird but since I’ve been back, waking up has been the hardest. I wake up and my whole body is achy and sore. Just moving around has bee painful.

I have this thing that doctors always call “growing pains”. I would go to the doctor when I was ten with knee problems and they’d say it was “growing pains”. For some reason, I’ve had issues with my joints which I tend to let get in the way. I had so many desires to be athletic and then some part of my body would hurt.

Last year, I jumped down some steps while drunk and hurt an ankle and a knee. Then somehow my wrists started hurting again. These aches went away but then last December, I tripped while hiking and my right ankle was sprung.

The injury didn’t have the time to properly heal because retail work keeps you on your feet. Six months later, the pain went from one foot up to my hip and then to the other foot. My body started compensating for the imbalance and now, moving makes me feel like an old woman.

Now that I’m home, my doctor said that this injury is taking far too long to heal and so, I am in the process of figuring out what’s up with scans and soon, physical therapy.

This summer, I wanted to start running. I just had a feeling that if I ran, I can get a better handle on my anxiety and all the pressure I’ve felt all year. I guess I’m feeling kind of thrown because now that I’m back, I can’t do what I planned. I’m taking a step back to try and see what my other options could be. Now that the day is ending, I realized I can still focus on my daily yoga instead of feeling so sorry for myself and my inability to run.

Being home tends to make me feel stressed because I feel like people expect so much from me. I feel like everyone wants me to do something or be someone for them and I’m trying to sort everything out for myself. Trying to sort out my placement and getting boundaries now that I have returned. A fellow blogger named Nia mentioned that she intentionally takes time to get herself on track when she returns home. Please read her post, it’s really good.

I’ve been kinda getting into my witchy stuff. My lavender plant is kind of dying and I need to recharge my crystals to give me positive energy and all that jazz! I want to find other options to adjust and get myself back into it. It made me feel so good and clear when I focused on my witchy stuff so, it’s definitely gonna be back in my life. I also started reading A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. It’s a well-loved series and I’m slowly getting into it. I got the book on Audible and I bought the book the first time I went to London.

I’m slowly getting hopeful as I write this post. A total change of moods! I want to start writing again and I want to post them on my blog. I want to write stories, book reviews/bookish posts, foodie posts. I just really want to wake up ready for the day and then I can get through my Summer To-Do List

Recommendations:

One blog that I started to follow, dearmyclosestfriend on Tumblr, has all of these awesome tips that I think would help me out if I implemented the advice into my life. I am loving advice columns ATM. It’s helping me get some things in check. Tonight, I will be going to bed at 10 and I will be putting myself on a schedule.

This Is Us, again, it is an amazing show and I just finished it!

My sister visited this weekend which was great. She recommended I watch Killing Eve. I’m definitely gonna start binging now.