Cuffing Season?

Howdy!!!!

I’m back! College is hard especially when you overthink every step you take. I am trying not to. I am processing, I will post about that soon…. hopefully! I make no promises.

*This post is from a cis bi person who enjoys monogamous relationships

Anyway, I have this friend, I will name him Johny for this post. We love Johny, Johny is the homie but Johny has so many hard times with relationships and sometimes Johny is a bit snarky with the conversation of love and all of its excitements!

Today we had a conversation about both of our interest in dating people, mine for commitment and him for sex. lol.

He told me that no matter what person I’m interested in, I am guaranteed to get them simply because it’s cuffing season.

Now, I swear I am so behind on the whole dating scene because I refused to date due to my childhood trauma (hahaha, you’ll find out in a later post). I’m at a point where I am determined to forgo that belief and to move forward into a healthier and happy life with another person one day.

Now with all that hope, you could understand why I’m a bit sketchy about the whole cuffing season thing.

Do people purposely get into “cuffing season” relationships? Like, do people voluntarily mixed themselves up with people during the cold seasons only to drop them in the future? Just so that they don’t have to be alone? For a body to cuddle with?

Honestly, that sounds fucking SAD. Full shadeeee!

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Might as well find a continuous fuck buddy with the knowledge that nothing will come of it. Like why not walk into a relationship and say, “I just want someone who physically gives me comfort during these cold months. Are you down?

Otherwise, by the time, Valentine’s Day comes around one or both of you are skirting around the possibilities and knowing that both of you will end things soon.

I feel like it’s such a high school concept, the cuffing season, 4 or 5 months of a fake relationship. Aren’t relationships supposed to made of connecting with people and growth and understanding and all that happy shit? What do you even do in a “cuffing season” relationship?

According to the internet, you don’t invite them to hang out with friends or family. Do you even get all those cute moments at the beginning of a relationship? No, because you’re mostly cuddled in PJ’s and doing nothing but Netflix and sex.

If anyone could tell me the value of a “cuffing season” relationship, I’d be all ears but that all sounds crazy to me. There are relationships that are openly nonmonogamous or not long term but those are discussed in the beginning. If you follow the dating season calendar, you’d be back on the market by summer. Might as well stick with someone until it all fizzles out.

Oh… the stupidity. Just get a heated blanket or a weighted one and go on a meditation retreat and find yourself.

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Anyways, new posts coming up soon! Look out, loves!<3

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I was hungover for an entire day.

Hey!

Okay, so… let me explain!

I wrote in a previous post about having to “break up” with a great friend and love. At the time, I felt like I had all my shit together. I felt like dumping a friend and moving forward was super easy and I felt like I really had it but then all of a sudden sadness hit me.

I was wondering how life would be with that friend in it and moping around about hypotheticals, I’m a REALLY SAPPY bitch. The first Friday back to school, I tried “drinking my feelings”. I was screaming to the entire campus about my sadness, taking shots of vodka, tequila, rum. I gave zero fucks about the next day. I wanted to go big because my feelings were hurt.

The next day, I felt like shit. obviously.

I thought that if I hydrated then I’d feel better.

That didn’t help. I laid in bed with my head spinning and wishing it would end. I was finally able to eat by the end of the night. Then I had work the next day for five hours.

I’m only mentioning all this so that you all can see my mistake and the gravity of it so that my next moves would make sense.

While at work, I finally had time to think without my head spinning. I noted how unhealthy my actions were. For me, a child of alcoholics, I go straight to drinking when I am hurting. Especially when my feelings get her. I wallow in every bad way possible. I eat food that’s bad for me and just all around sad.

It wasn’t until I had a session with my therapist that it finally clicked in my brain why I was behaving like this.

I have issues with my self-image. My father was an abuser to my sisters and me. We were constantly told that we weren’t good enough. I feel like it stuck with me. When I have issues in my relationships where I begin to feel like I’m not good enough, I lash out and start treating myself as such. I think it’s why I have such a hard time living a healthy lifestyle, it’s because a part of me doesn’t see myself as worthy of a healthy lifestyle.

I seriously hope that because I now have a conscious thought, I can now start caring for myself the way I deserve.

The thing is, I spent years not feeling like I was good enough in moments but still forcing myself to push through and keep moving forward.

“Like so what I am missing this relationship, I still have to stick to a blogging schedule.”

Then my blogging schedule will be fucked up (as it has been), and then I will still be sad about this heartbreak and not writing up my posts.

Let me clarify. This heartache I’m feeling, I don’t take the time to be patient and gentle with myself because I would feel like I am both not good enough and “strong” enough to get through it without taking time to sort out my feelings.

When it comes to my feelings, I have this idea that these feelings will go away quickly. I feel that even discussing it with some friends, it would be too annoying to complain so these feelings should end fast.

I’m finding it more and more important to be more gentle with myself. Reminding myself of how precious I am. I want to call myself “babe” and give myself patience and love because I deserve that!

My favorite thing about this year is all that I’ve been learning about myself and all the growth that is happening. I notice how much I’ve been changing.

I am not so excited about changing how I see and handle myself. I want to be handled with care by everyone around me but it all starts with myself.

Recommendations:
Watch Doctor Who & do an MCU binge
Do your work on weekends so you can chill all weekend
Don’t drink your feelings. Just learn how to get through it. Write letters to lost loves and take a bath or something.

My Summer So Far

Hello and please allow me to go the fuck off about this summer.

PSA: I plan on being hella raw and incredibly vague for those who are involved with this summer.

When this summer started, I had a list of all the things I wanted to do (check it out here). I’ve done some but the things I found most important are still undone. I wanted to write the first draft of my novel and create an entire outline for my senior project. I wanted to hang out with my friends that I hold so dear to me but… you know… things fall apart.

I knew from the very beginning of this summer that it was going to be about my own growth. I knew that this summer was gonna throw shit at me that I don’t want to even deal with. Like the reality that one of the relationships that I valued was going to go right down the toilet and that another one of my relationships was going to change in an uncomfortable but much-needed way.

People grow apart all the time. In my case, it was always because of a lack of communication. When I noticed that both of these relationships were falling apart, I reached out to them both. One of them listened and expressed their own concerns until we found a loving and mutual agreement and the other… well… I believe we are both lying to ourselves, each other and everyone about what we desire from the relationship. That lack of communication finally ended our relationship and as much as it hurts. I think it’s for the better. I am in no way shape or form ready to just move on from what felt like a very important part in my life so, I’ll allow myself to grieve and keep moving forward.

Relationships end whether you want them to or not.

I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t give up on people but at this moment, I am putting myself first.

Now onto my writing!

So, I got this CRAZY job opportunity where I am basically teaching these kids to be a bit more creative (it’s far more than that but long story short). This opportunity popped up out of the blue and then I kept getting slapped with a bunch more positivity like this dude from Barnes and Noble, who just happens to have graduated from my college and in the same major, offering to help me with my senior project. It was super wild how my life kept throwing positivity at me. I was so wrapped up in work and getting everything done perfectly that I completely forgot to look into my senior project work and to finish my draft of my novel.

I only have a month left of my summer and three weeks of work. HOw the hell will I squeeze in everything?  Thankfully, for my SP, all I really have to do is read books. That was all they asked of me. I was trying to go above and beyond since I wasn’t expecting to work.

I’m slightly overwhelmed but I am also super excited about attempting to finish it all up. This summer was not at all what I expected. I adopted a dog and realized the responsibility was bigger than I imagined so I gave him to a loving family. His name is CJ. This summer really REALLY tried it but I know that I will be ending this summer strong. I’m not sure when I’ll be writing again but I hope it’s soon.

My diary entry is now finished. LOL. Thanks for reading.

 P.S. I learned how to make Chai Lattes!